Getting To Yes
Here's What To Do
1
Give me choices and opportunities to say "no" when it's appropriate. Limit choices to 2-3 items so I'm not overwhelmed.
2
Ignore my "no's" when I should not have a choice. Tell me cheerfully in a manner-of-fact way what I need to do and help me do it.
3
Try to limit the number of "no's" you say to me throughout the day. The more "no's" I hear, the more "no's" I'm likely to say.
- Childproof our space so you don't have to say "no" as I explore
- Tell me what I can do instead of what I can't do
- Consider when you really need to say no to me (i.e. for safety) versus when something is not your preference
4
Try not to ask me if I want to do something unless I really do have a choice. When you say "Do you want to ____" or add "Okay?" after every request, this gives me a chance to say no.
Put PEER Into Action
P
Pause:
- Close your eyes and count to 3. It's easier to respond to my boundary-testing when you're able to stay calm.
E
Engage:
- Instead of asking (like: "Are you ready to get dressed?"), try using a cheerful, matter-of-fact tone (like: "It's time to get dressed. Let's start with your shirt.")
- "Would you like the blue shirt or the red shirt?"
E
Encourage:
- Distraction can be a powerful tool! If you know I always resist doing something, turn on some music or give me a toy to distract me before we complete the task.
- Praise me when I'm being cooperative. If I get more attention for being helpful, I'll learn that it's better to be cooperative instead of saying "no."
R
Reflect:
- How could I handle a similar situation differently next time so we can end up at "yes" instead of "no?"
As your child grows...
They will continue to test boundaries and rules. As they get older, they may still say "no" but will follow the request anyway.