Big Feelings
Here's What To Do
When I'm having big feelings, do your best to stay calm. This helps me feel safe and like I can regain emotional control too.
After I have returned to calm, talk to me to understand my feelings. It's hard for me to express my feelings clearly when I'm in the middle of an upset moment. It feels good when you listen to me and talking can help me understand my emotions.
In a calm moment, teach me some things I can say when I have strong feelings. If I can say "No," "Help," or "That made me mad," I'll be less likely to express myself through physical actions.
Sometimes I have big feelings because as a child there's not a lot I can control in my life. When possible, give me two concrete choices to help me feel like I have some control.
Put PEER Into Action
Pause:
- When I'm having big feelings, try closing your eyes for a moment and taking a slow, deep breath.
Engage:
- "Can you talk to me about what happened? Were you feeling disappointed that you had to leave the playground?"
- "It's time to get dressed. Would you like to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt?"
Encourage:
- After I have a strong display of emotions, remind me that you always love me no matter what and give me a big hug.
- "I think you were having some big feelings because you were feeling frustrated. Next time, do you think you could say 'Help?' Then next time mama can help you before you get so upset."
Reflect:
- How do I seem to feel most supported when I am having big feelings?
As your child grows...
They will be better at expressing their emotions and will have fewer emotional swings.